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“You shall not hate your brother in your heart…You shall love your fellow as yourself” (19;17-18).
The question arises: Why does the Torah simply tell us not to “hate” our brother? Why does the Torah not say “you shall love your brother as yourself” like it does by one’s fellow? Surely a person has a great obligation to love their brother more than their fellow!?! Why then does the Torah make it seem like a person is merely obligated not to hate their brother-whereas regarding their fellow’s they are obligated to love them like themselves?
Rabbi Yochanan Zweig explains that as a relationship progresses and people get closer to each other their expectations from each other naturally grow as well. Every time a relationship grows stronger between two parties so does the level of expectations as people naturally expect more from those they are close with. As a result, whenever a relationship grows stronger between two people the relationship then gains a greater possibility of exploding and the two parties risk losing everything they had before. And why is that? Rabbi Zweig explains that whenever two people have a very strong relationship with each other both parties naturally gain great expectations from each other. As a result it then becomes very difficult for the two people to maintain their relationship as they constantly need to do for each other in order to live up to the other person’s expectations. Then, if one of the parties fails to live up to the other person’s expectations of them then the relationship often explodes as the person who feels they didn’t get enough in return feels betrayed by their friend. The greater the relationship the greater the explosion as the person who feels betrayed thinks to themselves that their friend knows how good they are and yet they still didn’t give to them. Additionally, the person who feels they were abused becomes upset that they completely opened themselves up to their friend and their friend in return abused them by just taking from them without giving anything back in return. The person who feels abused naturally then becomes vicious towards the person they once had a strong relationship with as they feel they truly deserved more from them and failed to get it. Thus, we see that the greater a relationship between two people grows, the greater the chance there becomes of the relationship completely exploding.
Now, it is obvious that a person is obligated to love their brother like themselves. If a person is obligated to love their fellow like themselves then surely one is obligated to love their brother like themselves. What then is the Torah teaching us by saying that we should not hate our brother? Rabbi Zweig explains that the Torah is teaching us that since we are obligated to have a close relationship with our brother’s, there will then naturally be great expectations between us. As a result, the relationship will then become at great risk of exploding as both brother’s will have great expectations from the other and it will be very difficult for the both of them to live up to the other’s expectations. The Torah therefore tells us that we should not hate our brother as by our brother (in which we are close with) there is a great chance that the relationship could explode due to one or both parties not feeling that they are receiving everything they deserve from the other side of the relationship. In contrast, by a person’s relationship with their fellow (a person in which one simply has a basic level relationship with) there are very little expectations from both parties and it is therefore easier for both sides to maintain what is expected from them as they a lot less work is expected from them compared to what is expected from them by their brother. Thus, the Torah tells us that we should not hate our brother’s (even though we have much greater obligations by our brother’s-namely, to love them as ourselves) as there are much greater concerns of a relationship turning sour and exploding when the bond between the two parties is strong (as is the case by two brother’s) and there are great expectations from both sides.
Rashi (19;2) relates that this week’s parsha was said at the gathering of the entire assembly because the majority of the essentials of Torah depend on it.
In this week’s parsha we are commanded not to hate our brother in our heart (19;17) and to love our fellows as ourselves (19;18).
The Gemara (Gittin, 55b-56a) relates that the Bais HaMikdash was destroyed because a man threw a house party then threw out his enemy (Bar Kamtza) in front of all the rabbi’s during the party-refusing to allow him to stay even if he paid for the whole party. Bar Kamtza then retaliated by causing the king to go against the Jews and destroy them. As a result, the Bais HaMikdash was destroyed due to the baseless hatred of the host.
There are several difficulties with this Gemara:
Firstly, why didn’t Bar Kamtza cut a deal? Why did he feel the need to destroy the whole nation just because of one incident?
Secondly, why didn’t the rabbi’s interject in the conversation? How could they allow Bar Kamtza to get humiliated in public? The Gemara seems to imply that the host was the only one at fault!?!
Thirdly, why did the Gemara need to mention the fact that Bar Kamtza offered to pay for the party-the point of the story is that he caused the jews to be destroyed because he was humiliated by being thrown out!?! What’s the importance of mentioning the whole conversation?
Lastly, what’s the meaning of baseless hatred (sinas chinam)? How could one possibly hate another for no reason? All hatred is based on some kind of reasoning!?!
Now, Rashi (19;18) states that the torah’s commandment to love our fellows as ourselves is a great rule in the torah. However, what’s Rashi trying to tell us? He can’t simply be saying that it’s important!?!
Additionally, the Rambam (Hilchos Deos, 6;4) states that not only are we commanded to love our fellow jews as ourselves (19;18), but there is a separate mitzvah to love all converts (Devarim, 10;19). However, why isn’t the mitzvah of loving converts included in the mitzvah of loving our fellow jews?
Lastly, the Gemara (Bava Metzia, 62a) relates that if 2 people are stranded in a desert with 1 flask of water full with just enough water for only one to survive-then the owner of the flask of water should keep it all for himself. However, why shouldn’t he share it; he should love his fellow like himself!?!
The Talmud Yerushalmi (Yoma) actually states that the Bais HaMikdash was destroyed because of 2 things: baseless hatred and love of money. What’s the connection between these 2 things? How could the Talmud Yerushalmi seemingly disagree with the Gemara (Gittin 55b-56a) which states the Bais HaMikdash was destroyed solely due to baseless hatred?
Rabbi Yochanan Zweig explains that love of money means that people would only receive happiness through their achievements. As a result they would only love their possessions and forget about themselves. To such a person nothing could be given for he’s not interested in being shown love or care-his only interest is gaining materialistic value. Thus, every relationship he has becomes one of abuse, for everyone just wants to take since they have nothing that he wants to offer him.
When one has baseless hatred for another that shows he’s not happy with himself. This commonly occurs when ones love for themselves is solely based on their materialistic achievements.
Now we could explain that Bar Kamtza had baseless hatred for the host because he didn’t truly love himself-rather, all of his happiness came from his money. Therefore, when he offers to pay for the whole party and the host refuses-he sees that his money isn’t being value and therefore he himself becomes worthless. As a result Bar Kamtza felt as though he was dead and therefore plotted to destroy all the jews. Additionally, even had the rabbi’s stood up for Bar Kamtza he would have still plotted to destroy the jews because once he saw his money didn’t work he hated himself-so it wasn’t their fault the bais hamikdash was destroyed. It is now also clear that the Gemara had to mention the whole discussion because the whole bases behind Bar Kamtza’s plot to destroy the jews was that his money was rejected-not the humiliation.
We could now understand: How does one properly fulfill the mitzvah of loving their fellow as themselves? Rabbi Zweig answers by showing others how to love themselves. One must make sure that their fellows feel connected to the people they are. This is done by giving them self esteem. A person should know what makes them “tick”-what gives them a sense of happiness and existence. However, in order to be able to connect another person to themselves, one must first feel connected to the person they are. As a result, the mitzvah of loving our fellows brings an additional requirement for us to love ourselves.
The Gemara (Bava Metzia, 62b) therefore says that one must keep the flask of water all for themselves because in order to love your fellow you have to first love yourself. Therefore, you come before everyone else. One must first love themselves to love others-so one is commanded not to share the flask of water in order to teach that the mitzvah of loving others is meant to get us to love ourselves.
Rabbi Zweig explains the difference between the mitzvah to love our fellow jews and to love converts to be that by loving our fellow jews one must simply make sure they feel connected to themselves-the mitzvah of loving converts, however, includes an obligation to make sure they appreciate their achievements.
Lastly, Rabbi Zweig explains that Rashi (19;18) said that the mitzvah to love your fellow as yourself is a great rule in the torah because in order to fulfill the mitzvah properly one must know themselves, as the essence of the mitzvah is that one must first love themselves in order to love others.
Summary: In this week’s parsha we have the mitzvah to love one’s fellow like themselves (19;18). Rabbi Yochanan Zweig explains that in order to fulfill this mitzvah one must first love the person they are. The reasoning behind this is that a person who doesn’t love themselves (they simply love their achievements) can’t hold a relationship with another because they can’t be given anything (love/care), for all their happiness stems from their achievements. As a result, all their relationships become abusive, as the person is constantly afraid of others taking from him. Therefore, we should all make sure our happiness comes from the people we are, not simply our achievements. Then, and only then, will we be able to properly fulfill the mitzvah of loving our fellows as ourselves.
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