Bechukotai

In this week’s parsha (26; 3-13) Hashem blesses the nation of Israel.

The Ramban (26;11) asks: The Torah (26;11) states that part of Hashem’s blessings to the nation was: “My soul will not purge itself of you.” Rashi (26;11) explains that Hashem was telling the nation of Israel that His spirit would not become disgusted by them. However, how is Hashem not becoming disgusted by us a blessing? That simply means that He won’t do bad to us!

Similarly, the Torah (26;3) states that we are dealing with a period of time in which the Jews “go in Hashem’s decrees and observe His commandments.” Why do we need Hashem to tell us that at such a time He won’t be disgusted by us? Why would we be scared of Him becoming disgusted by us when we are observing all of His decrees and commandments?

Rabbi Yochanan Zweig explains that as a relationship progresses and people get closer to each other their expectations from each other naturally grow as well. Every time a relationship grows stronger between two parties so does the level of expectations as people naturally expect more from those they are close with. As a result, whenever a relationship grows stronger between two people the relationship then gains a greater possibility of exploding and the two parties risk losing everything they had before. And why is that? Rabbi Zweig explains that whenever two people have a very strong relationship with each other both parties naturally gain great expectations from each other. As a result it then becomes very difficult for the two people to maintain their relationship as they constantly need to do for each other in order to live up to the other person’s expectations. Then, if one of the parties fails to live up to the other person’s expectations of them then the relationship often explodes as the person who feels they didn’t get enough in return feels betrayed by their friend. The greater the relationship the greater the explosion as the person who feels betrayed thinks to themselves that their friend knows how good they are and yet they still didn’t give to them. Additionally, the person who feels they were abused becomes upset that they completely opened themselves up to their friend and their friend in return abused them by just taking from them without giving anything back in return. The person who feels abused naturally then becomes vicious towards the person they once had a strong relationship with as they feel they truly deserved more from them and failed to get it. Thus, we see that the greater a relationship between two people grows, the greater the chance there becomes of the relationship completely exploding.

Rabbi Zweig explains that Hashem was blessing the nation by saying that no matter how bad things get He would never get disgusted by them. Meaning, normally in relationships people feel as though they are “walking on eggshells”-feeling as if they do something wrong then their friend will reject and become revolted by them. By telling the nation that He would never become disgusted by them Hashem was in effect giving us comfort in our relationships with Him that even if we mess up He won’t destroy us.

Now, why exactly does Hashem not become disgusted with us? If He blessed us that He wouldn’t become disgusted by us then that means we would have reason to think that He would. Therefore, the question arises: What is different about our relationship with Hashem that even when things go sour He still doesn’t become disgusted with us?

Rabbi Zweig explains that in every healthy human relationship there is giving and taking between the two parties. People want opportunities to give back to those who do good for them as a person who just takes from another naturally feels terrible (no one wants to feel like they are just a “taker”). Similarly, for a person to just give to their friend without getting anything back in return is also unhealthy-as then a person is just abusing themselves.

Now, there are 2 things that drive a person to give to others: A person either gives because they want to take as they know their friend will feel guilty if they simply take from them, Or, a person could give and simply take as a means of continuing to give back to the person-as if a person doesn’t accept what their friends gives them then their friends will naturally no longer wish to continue taking from them out of fear of becoming “takers.” This is the drive a person should have when giving to their friend. A person who merely gives as a means of getting things in return will have feelings of disgust towards their friend if their friend stops giving to them as they will feel as though they put in all their time, feelings, etc. for nothing. In contrast, a person gives out of pure desire to do good and simply takes as a means of being able to continue giving will not become angry should their friend stops giving to them-as the whole reason why they accepted what their friend gave them in the first place was in order so that they should be able to continue giving and doing good for their friend. This is Hashem’s relationship with us-even when we don’t give back to Him He doesn’t become revolted by us as He simply takes from us as a means of getting us to continue accepting all of His kindness. He therefore gives to us even when we don’t do anything for Him in return. Thus, in order to take relationships to the next level we should all learn how to give to others out of pure desire to give-not in order to receive things back from them in return for the good we do for them.

In closing, Rabbi Zweig explains that we should all work on learning how to give. We should be happy to give and do more for others. Now, obviously we have to take from people also-as then they won’t feel comfortable taking from us. Our drive for giving however should be to give out of real desire to do good for our friends-not in order to get things back from them. One should not give and expect things back in return from their friends-as if their friend stops giving back to them they will then naturally become disgusted at their friend. Thus, we should all learn how to train ourselves to give out of pure desire to do good and not in order to get back in return as otherwise all of our strongest relationships will be in great danger should either side of the relationship feel as though they are not receiving everything they deserve.

                   Bechukotai